


A King's King

by dellanec



Series: Kings of Camelot [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Court Sorcerer Merlin (Merlin), Fluff and Humor, Hurt, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), King Merlin (Merlin), M/M, Marriage Declined, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27411898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dellanec/pseuds/dellanec
Summary: The King remains seated on the bed, magic-forged ring falling from his grip, breaking the painful silence as it bounces off the wooden floor.His eyes never leave the silver piece as it spins several times, landing with a resolving *clink* .... and then it hits, the heartbreaking realization hits him at full force...Merlin did not want to marry him.Sequel to A King's Sorcerer
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Kings of Camelot [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011696
Comments: 36
Kudos: 480





	1. Chapter 1

The King remains seated on the bed, magic-forged ring falling from his grip, destroying the painful silence as it bounces off the wooden floor. 

His eyes never leave the silver piece as it spins several times, landing with a resolving sound... _and then it hits,_ the heartbreaking realization hits him at a force no weapon had ever managed before...

_Merlin did not want to marry him._

“Arthur...I wish I could say yes. But, it’s just not possible for us.”

The ache in his chest pounds harder as he stares up at his lover.

“Merlin _-_ ”

“We have to be realistic. You have done so many amazing things for this kingdom, you have created a safe haven for all people. The other kings bow before you and praise you for your work. Arthur, our union could destroy everything you’ve accomplished-”

“ **We-** " He interjects,"Everything **we’ve** accomplished Merlin. This has never just been **my** work. You have stood beside me through every battle, every treaty, every new law and they have seen that. Even when you were gone you were protecting us. If Camelot’s allies have an issue with our marriage then we no longer need their support. It’s simple, and it concerns _no one_ but us.”

Merlin shakes his head in disagreement, stepping further away from him, out of reach. _Untouchable._

_Not again...don't do this again. Please._

“It’s not simple and you know that. We can’t afford to be selfish or put the kingdom in a compromising position. Camelot is thriving like never before. The people are fed, they’re happy, free, we can’t risk that. If we lose an alliance we don’t just lose support. They’ll stop trading with us, strike down on the weak, tension will rise and who is to say a war won’t start? Battles have started from much less and we've witnessed the consequences.”

Arthur attempts a steady voice but the "no" Merlin had given him continues to ring hauntingly through his mind. 

“You said you wanted me to marry for love. Do you no longer believe that?”

He turns away to avoid the sorcerer’s sorrowed expression, letting his gaze fall to the abandoned ring. 

“ _Of course_ I do. But no one will accept the King of Camelot marrying a mere peasant, let alone a man known for his magic. Our allies fear me. I’m not fit to be-”

“You haven’t been a peasant in ages! You’re a lord now and you occupy the highest position in the court. Merlin, you’re Emrys, the most powerful being to walk this Earth, Camelot’s protector. Was it not you, yourself who said not everyone would welcome such power with open arms? I don't care what the other kings think, we’ve exceeded our own expectations. Why should we allow their ignorance to keep us from being married? From being happy?"

Merlin presses both hands to his temple with a drawn sigh, shaking his head in refusal, “We can't fight ignorance with ignorance. They have been aching to give you one of their daughters since you were a child... Arthur, you’ve already been unmarried far longer than normal for a King. They will be enraged if they learn you declined their offers for the likes of me. Lord or not, it won’t matter to them, they’re pride will win and we will lose critical pieces to Camelot’s success.”

The younger man’s usually bright eyes are replaced with dull anguish and Arthur knows their discussion should be over for the night. They should get into bed, mumble apologies, and speak again when they're no longer running on dangerous emotion. _ **He**_ should stop talking, so he doesn't say something he'll regret...but he doesn’t. Because he’s never been fair, even after all this time...he’s an immature, angry child. Especially when it comes to things he cares about. **_Especially_ Merlin. **

“So then you _didn’t_ mean it when you said I should marry for love? Or you did and it just applied to everyone _but you_?” His tone is cold and hard, much meaner than he intends to be. It’s a tone he hasn’t used with the mage in ages. 

“-If you would prefer that I marry a princess Merlin, then I will. Shall we end our arrangement now? Or would you prefer to wait until after I’ve accepted a marriage proposal? We can keep having sex until then or _actually,_ why don't you just continue being my bedwarmer after I wed? Then everyone's happy, right?”

The pain on Merlin’s face hurts, it reminds him of memories he never wants to relive.

Arthur wishes he could stop talking, wishes he would never have to see the angst on his beautiful sorcerer's face again. But the demon on his shoulder has other plans for him...it wants Merlin to feel the same anger Arthur's feeling. 

“Bedwarmer?” Merlin whispers, confusion and pain etched into the question. 

“What else would we call this? It’s hardly courting if after four damn years you never had any intention of marrying me.”

“That’s not tr-”

Arthur stands, waving his hands recklessly, eyes leaving the others to glare at the taunting jewelry once more. He’s exhausted, drained, _possessed with resentment._

“So I’ll marry a princess then! If that’s what you wish, so be it! Do you want me to hold her at night, make love to her, go on picnics, tell her how beautiful she is? Shall I do with her all the things we have done?!"

"Arthur-"

"Or should I do more with the future queen? Have children? Rule together? Die together? Is that what you want me to do? Is this your way of telling me you've given up on us? If this was your intention all along, why did we waste the last four years of our life?!"

"Stop it, Arthur, please-"

He ignores the pleads and the face that accompanies it. _He doesn't want to feel sorry for anyone but himself._

"If you want to be done Merlin then tell me! If that's what makes you happy, fine! Anything for you, right?!" His shouts echo throughout the chambers, ruining any lingering chance of a productive conversation. 

_Gods when was the last time he's yelled like this? Why didn't it feel as good as he remembered?_

He turns back to face his lover, prepared for a battle, screaming match...anything but what he actually sees.

Sweet blue eyes are clenched shut as tears drip down the brunette's cheeks. Hands weakly cover adorably large ears in an attempt to block his wicked words, the sorcerer's slim frame shaking with silent sobs. 

_Fuck._

“Merlin-” He whispers, stepping forward, desperate to erase all traces of hurt from the sorrowed man. Hurt he had caused...again. 

“I’m sorry-I-please don’t cry. I was being cruel. I didn’t mean any of that.”

The sobs gain volume as the mage flinches away from his outstretched arm.

“Cariad, I could never-I **would** never do that to you. You know how I feel about you, it's just-I- Merlin, I thought we wanted this."

 _Why must he speak without thinking?_ He wasn't supposed to be the same snotty prince he was all those years ago. He was supposed to be strong, confident, wise...a King. 

A loud thud at the chamber’s entry startles both men from the heavy tension. 

He's thankful the servant doesn’t enter, speaking instead from behind the door. 

“Your Majesty? The visiting lords are asking for your presence. I relayed that you had retired for the night but they are insisting it is of dire importance.” 

Arthur drags his hands through his hair, breathing deeply in an attempt to collect himself, speaking with the composure expected of a king. 

_It was all so fake._

“Tell them I can not-” 

“You should go.” Merlin interrupts stiffly, eyes glossy and irritated from his tears. 

"No, I’ll do no such thing. I will stay with you and-”

“Arthur-” The court sorcerer's voice is strangled and pained. He sounds so young, so hurt. “-We need time. I-I need to be alone. I’ll return to my chambers for the night.”

His stomach immediately churns at the words. 

They hadn’t ended their nights in a fight since Merlin had returned and the thought of doing so horrified Arthur to no end. The last time they fought late into the night the younger man had been gone the next morning. Disappeared, without a word, without a trace for two years. The first two years of his reign as king and _gods, it had been hell_. It took a gruesome attack on Camelot for the sorcerer to return and even then he had not planned to stay. They had been stuck between lies and hurt and when Merlin finally made his decision, Arthur had never held on to someone tighter, making promises and expressing feelings he had always been accustomed to shutting away. 

And despite all the heartache Arthur had endured then, It had been worth it, worth it to see the sweet reassuring smiles the mage would send him, or how he'd hold him especially tight on bad days, kiss away the pain after a harsh battle. Every moment they spent together made up for all the agony that had filled him during Merlin's absence. 

Yet, there he stood, terrified all over again. Because, despite all the promises they had made, there was one Merlin always avoided. The younger man had never once promised to stay. _He could leave at any time...just like before._

“ _Merlin, please_. Don’t push me away. Let's talk. We can figure-”

“Attend to your guests Arthur. We need time to think about what we have to do. We can’t just keep thinking about ourselves, we have to consider what’s at stake. What we’ll lose and if it’s worth what we’ll gain. Only then should we return to this conversation. We're not getting anywhere like this.”

Arthur wants so badly to argue, to fight so that history doesn't repeat itself, but he's interrupted once more by the awaiting servant. 

“Sire? Do you need assistance? May I enter?”

The king remains quiet, debating his next action, before reluctantly turning. “Very well-”

_What would convince Merlin to stay? How could he reassure the warlock in one night, if he hadn't been able to do so in four years?_

He wasn't sure...but he had to try.

“-But know this Merlin, if it is not you I am marrying, it will be no other. If you wish to remain unmarried and stay as we are, then we shall do so. Though, you are gravely mistaken if you believe that you are doing what’s best for Camelot, or for me. You are no longer the same manservant who had to hide his magic or intention from me-"

"-I love you, more than anything this world has to offer. I don’t tell you that enough but no riches, alliance, or princess could change that. And I **know** that you love me just as much because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be declining my proposal. You believe Camelot will fare better with all its alliances and a queen, but you fail to realize that we are successful because of _you._ I am the king I am today because you have led me here, because you believed in me when I was at my worse-"

“-The only reason you shall leave my side is if you no longer love me, if you tire of me and wish to move on. Only then will I let you go, but you have told me that moment will never come and I desperately pray you meant that. I don’t care what anyone says. They don't matter to me and we promised Merlin-we swore we wouldn't make decisions based on other people's opinions. I want to marry you, make you my husband, see you become a better king than I. I just want you in _every_ way possible...”

“Arthur-” Merlin chokes, fresh tears finding their way down his face. 

“-So yes, you’re right, we both have a lot to think about.”

“I-” 

“I will leave you to think. Good night, Merlin.” Arthur doesn't wait for a response as he pushes his doors open, wiping hastily at his traitorous eyes.

_He could only pray that the morning wouldn't hold any disappearances._


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur can't recall returning to his chambers when he awakes the next morning. The night had been full of battle planning and tactics, the visiting noblemen eager to begin after Morgana had revealed a vision of their kingdom. A planned attack by a group of foreign mercenaries.

With a set strategy and advantage, the men had ridden off to report back to their king and prepare for the upcoming battle. With them, they took a number of Camelot’s newest magic-forged weapons, and as Arthur watched them disappear amongst the trees, he couldn’t help but remember the words Merlin had spoken only hours prior. 

The importance of alliance...Marriage. 

The noblemen had brought with them a message from King Tor. The man was propositioning his daughter’s hand in marriage, for a third time. A fine, intelligent woman, stunning even. He hadn’t told Merlin simply because he hadn’t thought it relevant. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind as he quickly wrote a response declining the offer. 

He had done it tens of times before, to nearly every other King. His answer never changed. It never would. 

“Sire, you’re up early! I pray you slept well?” His young manservant places breakfast on the table with a slight bow.

_He had barely slept at all. An hour surely at most._

With a dismissive nod, Arthur rises, attempting to extinguish the hollow pain from Merlin’s absence. Their early morning taunts and eager kisses had become a ritual of sorts. Even on days where they were too busy to dine together, those little moments were a sense of comfort in all of the surrounding chaos.

“Have you seen Merlin today?”

He hadn’t intended on asking, but the question slips out nonetheless. 

“Oh...no, my lord. My apologies, I brought breakfast for the two of you. I assumed, because he’s always-”

“Pay it no mind. You are free to take his serving Lucius.”

The boy gives another wobbly bow, nervously wringing his hands. 

“Thank you sire. But... uh...may I..."

“Speak freely.”

“Well, is Lord Emrys ill?” 

The king blinks at the boy in confusion, “No, Merlin’s fine. Why do you ask?”

“It’s just-he promised to teach me a spell before breakfast. I went to meet him in the Magic Chambers and he never appeared. I thought he might have still been sleeping here, but it seems I was mistaken. Has he gone off on another trip?”

“No-no he hasn't. I mean-I don't think- Lucius, did you check his personal chambers?”

“Yes, my lord. He was not there either. I’m sure he’s doing very important work somewhere! Maybe he went to tend to the dragons?”

The king stops mid-bite to prevent himself from choking. 

_Merlin wasn’t in his chambers._

_He could just be in the town. Or-_

“Your council meeting will be starting shortly. Will you require my attendance?”

_Merlin would be at the meeting. He had to be. He sat by Arthur’s side for every single one. Secretly tickling Arthur when he became restless or began drifting to sleep. The sorcerer was always there...always._

“No, thank you.”

“Then I will finish the rest of my chores during that time, if that's acceptable sire?”

Arthur nods his approval, words refusing to leave his tongue.

The rest of his breakfast is left untouched. The blond dresses himself quickly, paying no attention to his manservant’s questioning gaze as he storms out of his chambers. He ignores the greetings and bows from knights and servants alike, directly heading towards the council. 

If Merlin was with him, he would no doubt have a fit, hitting Arthur upside the head for his lack of manners. The mage would stop and converse with every person he could. Conjuring flowers and compliments as easily as he breathed... And the King would stand beside him, feigning annoyance at the dozens of stops they made, but never leaving the sorcerer behind, secretly melting at the pure heart of the man he so adored. 

But Merlin was _not_ with him and that was the very problem. So Arthur continued forward, no stops made, no smiles given.

The guards at the council entrance, salute him, quickly opening the door for his unwavering march.

Every seat at the table is taken...Each one but the Court Sorcerers'. 

All members turn in surprise at his rushed entrance. 

“Where is he?” 

“Merlin?” Gwen asks cautiously, as the others quietly look around for unspoken answers. 

“Yes, has anyone seen him today?”

Nine careful head shakes, indicating that no, no one had seen the man. 

He has to hold his breath to prevent from retching.

“Arthur-” Morgana begins,“-What's-”

“Today’s meeting is canceled. We shall convene on another date, you will all be informed at a later time.” 

“Your Majesty-”

“Arthur, wait-”

He ignores their calls, leaving as quickly as he entered and heading towards the one place he knew would hold answers. 

_A king shouldn’t run for any reason other than battle...his father had always told him that._ _Running indoors was considered a terrible disgrace. Let alone in the castle._ _No doubt Uther was cursing him in death...because Arthur was shamelessly hurrying towards the physician’s quarters._

_Please, dammit. Please be there._

Yet again, all nobility is disregarded as he shoves the door open. The seated old man lowering his glasses to properly stare. 

“Is there something I can help you with, sire?”

“Merlin.”

Arthur's met with the signature brow raise at his brashness. 

“He’s not here.” 

“Fucking idiot-” He snaps, tugging at his hair angrily. 

“I’ll assume you’re talking about Merlin and not me.”

“Yes-Yes, of course, Gauis. I apologize.”

The physician is ever so unbothered as he speaks, seemingly uncaring of the king's emotions, “Is there anything I could assist you in? Is it of magic matters?”

Arthur falls into the nearest chair, rubbing his face with both palms, “He left?" 

“Yes," Gauis nods casually, "-just last night.”

The king hadn’t thought his heart could be more broken than the first time Merlin had left. But it is...it’s far worse now. Because the sorcerer left to avoid marrying him. To avoid a future with him. 

Gods, how he wished he was numb so he didn’t have to feel the stabbing heartache consuming him. Arthur doesn't even have the energy for tears...far too hurt to allow for such a display. 

“Your majesty. Are you feeling unwell?”

“Why-” His voice is choked with every emotion coursing through him.

“-Why won’t he just fucking talk to me? I don’t understand why he does this Gaius. I love him. Can’t that be enough? I know that I am not perfect, I am mean and I am not knowledgeable in nearly as many things as he is, but _I am trying. Every day_ I read his damned magic books, I read about history and shit I can barely comprehend because I want to understand him. I don't know what else to do. How do I make someone stay? How do I find out if they even want to?"

“Are you mad? Merlin is absolutely besotted by you, with or without your efforts. There’s not a thing in this world that he wouldn’t do for you. You know this, certainly?”

"Is that why he left for two years?”

“The circumstances were different then and you know that. He was only trying to protect you both, he was scared and young, but even then he never abandoned you, he was still always trying to protect.”

“But that means nothing if I can’t protect him as well-" Arthur seethes, "- Everything we’ve done means nothing if I don’t have him with me. Why can’t he understand that I _need_ him?”

“Sire, Merlin has no intention of leaving you. An argument is not grounds for him to stop caring about you."

“How else am I supposed to feel when he leaves like this? It was two years before, how do I know it won’t be 5 or 10 or what if he just decides he never wants to return, then what? Do I just sit here for the rest of my life wondering what happened to him, wondering if he’s alive or well? Or-”

“Oh, dear...”Gaius discards his glasses, rubbing at his own face tiredly. “-My lord, I am terribly sorry. Please, forgive me for the misunderstanding. Merlin left last night to take a new potion to the druid camp. They have these pesky creatures that were destroying their crops and he insisted on bringing it to them immediately. He was worried the damage would be irreversible if he waited until morning.”

Arthur blinks at the older man several times as he processes the words. “So...he hasn’t left permanently?”

“No, no, in fact, I don’t think the idiot even took a bag with him. He left with only the potion in hand. He should be back tomorrow evening at the latest.”

“He’ll be back?”

“I swear it.”

“Bloody hell-”

“I’m terribly sorry. I had no idea that was a concern of yours. I should have been more careful with my words.”

“Thank the gods. I-I’m still beyond angry that he’s left without so much as a word. But-”

“I’m certain he left a note for you with one of your knights.”

“I received no such thing.”

“It’ll reach you soon then.”

They sit in silence for minutes as Gaius begins writing once more.

Arthur fights back a groan at the realization of his actions; storming through the castle, canceling a council meeting, whining to the physician about his love life.

_Just what kind of king was he?_

"I-I apologize for my behavior. Things have been-I’m not even sure how to explain it. Merlin and I just don’t seem to be on the same page when it comes to our future and it’s gotten quite complicated. I didn’t mean to burden you, I wasn’t sure what to-”

“Merlin wants to marry you, Arthur.”

The king has to refrain from ripping his hair out at the statement. 

“He gave me a quite certain "no" yesterday.”

"Merlin's an idiot you know that. I'm sure he wants to."

It's foolish to feel so hopeful, but the physician's words temporarily lessen his ache. 

"How can you be certain?"

“Because you are all that boy thinks about and even when he's calling you the most treasonous names in existence he looks like the most enamored man on the planet."

Arthur releases a string of curses, throwing his head back in frustration.

“What am I supposed to do with him? One moment he’s the sweetest, most idiotic man, and the next moment he’s solemn, serious, and trying to run away from me.”

Gauis abandons his quill once more, sighing loudly, “Merlin has been working himself to death. He's always been so worried about pleasing people that he doesn't take time to consider his own needs. Being with you and returning to Camelot were the first decisions he made for himself and now he thinks he been selfish. He just can't seem to understand that happiness doesn't have to come with hidden obstacles."

It makes sense. Merlin's had always been so giving... self-sacrificing. Hell, was there anyone in Camelot Merlin hadn't helped at least once? Even when they had first begun courting Merlin had voiced his concerns on marriage and their future and Arthur had just brushed him off, too happy with their new relationship to consider the future. So of course, his lover felt torn, how couldn't he, if they had never discussed the manner? 

"I want to be the one that makes him happy. We were doing great and I just assumed we wanted the same thing. I never thought he still believed I would marry another. Merlin is it for me, Gaius, I don’t want to just marry him, I want to make him a king. I want him by my side...always. 

"Sire.-" The physician gapes, "-Merlin, a king?-”

“I feel it's long overdue. I've always thought he deserved the crown more than any other."

“The council would accept?”

“They already have. Laws have been written for weeks now, all that's left is for Merlin to agree, but I have no idea if he will. He was already hesitant to become Court Sorcerer, I can’t imagine how he’d feel about being King.”

Gaius remains quiet for several moments before shaking his head fondly. 

“ **When** he returns and **when** he stops trying to be a selfless idiot, I agree. You two will do wonders for this kingdom. Camelot would be blessed to have such powerful rulers.”

He tries not to let his heart swell at the compliment. Merlin had to accept first, he had to understand that there was no one else that belonged by Arthur’s side.

“Thank you, Gaius. Truly.”

The elder man pats his shoulder with a nod. 

“You two will be just fine Arthur, you've gone through so much already. All you must do is talk to one another, honestly, and explain what you both want, only then can you both move forward.

“Of course, you’re right.”

_The physician was always right._

* * *

The rest of the day is long and harrowing, and despite the promise of a message, he makes it to supper without anything of the sort. Arthur attempts to not let it upset him further, but he can’t help the awful pessimism brewing deep inside.

It’s not long before his wallowing is rudely interrupted by his manservant’s entrance.

_Gods, he would pay treasures for the door to swallow the next person who knocked._

“Sorry to interrupt you sire. A young knight said Lord Emrys gave him a message for you. He had misplaced it and spent the entire day looking for it. He was terribly sorry and too ashamed to-”

“Lucius, will you just give it to me?”

“Oh, yes. Of course.”

The redhead hurries over passing the crumpled letter.

“You are relieved of your duties for the night.”

With a quick nod, the boy disappears. 

Arthur inspects the paper, quickly unfolding it with a shaky breath. Frightened of the possibilities the letter could hold. 

_Arthur,_

_I have left to bring the Druid’s Gauis’ new potion. I believe it will help them a great deal during harvest season. I apologize for not speaking to you before I departed, but I did not want to interrupt your meeting with the lords._

_I'm sorry about tonight. I know it didn't go how either of us planned, but I will return quickly so that we may properly speak._

_I love you with all that I am._

_-Your Idiot_


	3. Chapter 3

The night eventually falls silent, no more knocks on the door or distractions. 

The king stares into the fire until his eyes ache. His bed bringing little comfort as he squirms in its center, trying to clear his mind...find some type of peace. 

It's no use. 

Arthur analyzes and overthinks every word of the letter clutched to his chest. Head pounding at the number of possibilities, the number of ways Merlin could decide he didn’t love him anymore.

He knows he’s causing himself unnecessary pain, but he compares it to preparing for battle. Preparing for the worst... 

His eyes fall heavy hours later.

* * *

Humming.

Someone’s humming, so pure and soft. Sweet. 

_Gods it's the sweetest sound._

Maybe he’s dreaming. 

_How else could someone sound so angelic?_

He suddenly becomes aware of gentle hands combing through his hair. 

_Not a dream._ The touch is so real...so familiar. 

“Sorry-” The voice whispers, his body shivering in response. 

“-I didn’t mean to wake you, I just-”

Arthur forces his eyes open, drinking in the sight he’s so desperately missed. 

"Merlin-” He croaks, voice ragged from sleep. 

“Hi.” Blue eyes gaze down at him, the younger man sitting on the edge of the bed begins to retract his hands. 

“Stay. Please.”

The sorcerer nods, leaning forward until the moonlight casts a faint glow onto his face.

“Of course.”

Arthur beckons his lover closer, watching as Merlin slides under the covers beside him. 

“When did you get back?” He whispers, pulling the younger man firmly against his chest. 

“Just now.”

“You were riding at night? Alone?"

“Yes, but I have protective runes on me.”

“That's a risk you shouldn't have taken. Why wouldn’t you wait until daybreak?”

Tensioned silence returns to the room. The mage unwilling to answer. 

“ _Mer_ lin?”

“I didn't like how we left things, Arthur. I just...needed to see you.”

He sucks in a deep breath, pushing aside anguish that the statement withdrawals. _They **are** enough for each other, so how could he convince the man in front of him that?_

“Gods...You don’t know what you do to me.”

“I-I never planned for any of this. _For us_. I never thought this far ahead."

A pained, hollow laugh leaves the blond, “Do you not want this anymore?”

“That's not it at all. I just-you're the king...this isn't easy."

"We knew it wouldn't be when we pursued this, but we agreed to it anyway."

"I know, but-"

“You don't understand how much it hurts when I think about you disappearing again. These past days have been-"

"You will always have me, Arthur. No matter what happens, or in what way, I'm here for you."

"Do you think I want you in any other way than this? That I want to be friends? Because I don't and I can't pretend that I'm okay with us not being together. You know how much you mean to me, why would you ever believe that I could be with someone else?"

The lack of response breaks him just a little more. 

“I would give everything for you Merlin. If it was between you and Camelot, I wouldn’t need a second to decide. I already know what my decision would be. I think everyone around us knows too. But do you? Do you know that I'd choose-”

“Arthur-” Merlin reprimands quielty, attempting to escape the arm keeping them pressed together. 

“-You? I’d choose you in a heartbeat because you are everything to me.”

“But you shouldn't feel like that. I shouldn't be worth throwing everything away for.” Through the dark he can see the outline of the mage's shaking head, refusing to accept his words. Stubborn as always. 

“But you are, you're worth that and so much more. Maybe it's selfish of me, but that's how I am. You know that better than anyone. I'm a selfish man, especially when it comes to you.”

“You're wrong. A selfish man doesn’t do what you’ve done for this kingdom, for all these people. For me.”

“It's _because of you._ I've accomplished everything because I had you by my side. I'd be dead a thousand times over if it weren't for you.”

The temperature in the room drops, but he doesn’t bother to ask if it's the sorcerers doing... **He knows it is.** Merlin's magic always emits cold when they disagree. 

They both fall quiet, Arthur lost in the millions of questions that rack his mind. 

_Was Merlin happy with him here in Camelot? Did the mage feel like he had been forced to stay?_

And despite the fear of his answer, Arthus asks anyway, because nothing would hurt more than knowing he made his lover unhappy in the past four years. 

“Do...you wish you still lived among the Druids? Do you regret coming back?"

“No-" Merlin insists sternly, "-Never. Not a day has gone by that I have regretted returning to Camelot...to you."

“I don't want to hold you back, you know that's never been my intention."

“Arthur I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. I made the decision to come back myself, I chose this."

“Then why are we having this conversation? I want you to be here with me, but I can't force you to stay...I would never do that to you."

"I know, you've never pressured me. This isn't your fault."

Merlin brings a hand up to stroke his hair once more, hesitant and silent... 

They shouldn't be having this conversation in such a vulnerable position, but Arthur's too scared to move away, to be any further apart from the man he loves. 

"I don't want you to regret this or us. You're the best thing I've ever had Arthur...losing you would be like-"

"I didn't propose with half a heart. I did it knowing that there is nothing more I desire on this Earth than to be with you."

"I'm...scared," Merlin whispers into the darkness, 

"Then let's leave, let's go somewhere we don't have to be scared anymore."

“We can't.” 

“I know." Arthur sighs, stealing the hand in his hair to hold it,"-I knew you’d say that.” 

“You're the king. Your destiny is here.”

“So is yours, but that's never stopped you from running in the past.”

“It _was_ here, but I've already done what I was summoned to do. Camelot doesn't need me anymore.”

“And me? Now that you've made me king, do I have no use to you?”

The sorcerer's soft hand doesn't match the roughness of his response, “ _Never_ say that to me again. You know that's not true."

“Then show me. Focus on everything we've done right, all the things we can continue to do right, Don’t leave me again Merlin. If you love me, if you want me, _stay_ with me. We deserve happiness. Tell me what's holding you back so I can prove you wrong.”

A deep breath leaves the mage as he shifts, leaving the warmth of their embrace to sit up. It's difficult to see him, but Arthur can hear the quiet breaths and hesitancy as his lover speaks. 

“I’m scared of myself Arthur-I don’t get what I am...what I'm supposed to be. I thought it would be better, with everyone knowing. With my magic free, but it's not. I’m supposed to be the _great Emrys_ , I’m supposed to be fearless and confident. I’m meant to protect everyone. But, I’m just scared. I’m scared that I’m not doing enough, that I’ll fail. How can I live up to the expectation of being your husband? What if I disappoint you? Maybe one day you’ll finally realize I’m not the man you fell in love with. I’m childish and weak, I cry _far_ too much and I'm still the same idiot manservant you met 9 years ago.”

Arthur doesn’t reply immediately, letting the response sit between them. And then he laughs...The blonde laughs, loud and genuine. It rings in the silence of their night as he sits up to face the man, a useless attempt in the dark.

“You think I fell for Emrys? Do you think I only realized 4 even 6 years ago that I loved you? After I found out you were a powerful sorcerer? If you thought any of that, you're even _more_ of an idiot than I assumed. I fell for the teenage boy that saved my life over and over again. The boy that created idiotic names to insult me, who held me when I lost my friends, my father. The Merlin that cried for me, that insisted he’d follow me to the ends of the Earth. Everything else, all the magic, all the power, that was new, exciting...but that’s not what I first fell in love with. That’s not why I chose you."

"You-you can't be so willing to let everything go for me. I can't be the reason you fail Arthur. I can't be the person who makes you vulnerable. It'll break me if you-"

"It's far too late for that. You already are my weakness, but you're my strength as well. We spent so long pushing our feelings aside, pretending we were okay with seeing each other with different people. Don't make me pretend to love someone else. I can't do that again, not after I've been with you. I can't fail when I have you by my side. There's no losing when I get to wake up next to you in the morning.

"Don't say things like that-" Merlin pleads softly. "-You say you can't fail when I'm by your side, but you have no idea how many times I've ruined things or failed to the point of no return. I'm so far from perfect, I'm not-"

"I don't need you to be perfect. I've brought curses upon the land, lost battles, been scarred. Do you think that makes me less worthy of love or respect?"

"Of course not-"

"Then why are you so harsh on yourself? I am _so_ proud of you. I look at you now and I see that same boy from before, all of his humor and sarcasm, all his loyalty and beauty. It's still right here, but it's stronger, it's beautiful...regal. Merlin, you _are_ the great Emrys, you're him and so much more and I love _every_ single bit of you. Your tears and hesitancy don't make you any less of a warrior, they don't make me see you as unworthy. They show your humanity, your heart. I will keep my faith in you until the end of time and I will always remain loyal to you as you have done for me. I am yours, _nothing_ could change that." 

“I-” The sorcerer chokes on his words and Arthur reaches out blindly to embrace his lover, “-I don’t deserve you. I never have.” 

“ _No_ , you deserve more. But stay with me regardless. We said we'd be better for each other, didn't we? Let me do for you what you've always done for me, I'll take care of you, Merlin. You can breathe now, you can make mistakes, just be with me.”

The king tightens his hold on the brunette, and maybe he's holding on too hard, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to let go, so he won’t. He'd never make that mistake again. 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot. Gods, I really hurt you last night, didn't I? I wanted to say yes- But I- I thought I was doing the right thing-I just-” Merlin is cut off by his own tears, burying his head deeper into Arthur's chest.

“Come on, come here. Merlin, it's going to be okay, don't cry so hard you idiot, I'm not mad at you... _Sweetheart_ , please, you're going to make yourself sick.” The king pulls the shivering man onto his lap, pressing small kisses onto his wet face. 

“Stop-” The warlock manages through his sniffles, “-You’ll get salty tears in your mouth.” 

Arthur makes no indication of stopping, only smiling softly as he continues.

“That's the point. I’ll suck all your tears away and there won’t be _any_ left to cry.”

“That's...gross.”

“You're gross."

A sudden flash of Merlin's eyes restarts the fireplace. The blonde stops his motion to properly examine the shivering sorcerer. Blood-shot eyes hesitantly meet his own.

“I hate seeing you like this Merlin. I need you to trust that I love you.” 

“I do Arthur. I just never stop thinking and I can't stop questioning every step I take."

"Will you tell me when you feel like this, next time? If you keep all your emotions to yourself, you're going to break. Strongest sorcerer in the world or not...you need to let it out once in a while. All the times I come to bed ranting and pouting, that's my own way of breathing and you're always there. You always listen, so rely on me, I want to know how you feel." 

"I will, it's just-it makes me feel childish, always crying...I'm a grown man for gods' sake." 

“A grown man, eh? Questionable."

"Prat." Merlin sniffs petulantly. 

"Well my lovely idiot, if it makes you feel better you aren't the only one. I threw a fit today because you left without saying goodbye. I canceled the council meeting, ran through the castle, and bothered Gaius. Like a proper toddler, might I add."

Merlin's wet laugh brings a crooked smile to his face, “You did not...wait...did you really? Arthur, you can't cancel council meetings!”

“Of course I can, I'm the king. I thought you disappeared again. That idiot of a knight lost the letter and I didn’t get it until supper. I was scared you wanted to move back, that... _you had left me again_."

Sympathetic eyes and soft hands trace his face, “I wouldn't- I mean- I won't leave you again. I swear."

_Gods, that's all he's wanted to hear these past 4 years._

“And you won’t push me away?”

“No.”

“Or try to convince me to marry some princess?”

“Absolutely not-” A pout appears on Merlin's tear-flushed face. “-I’m still mad at you for that.”

“You were being a dollophead but I am sorry. I know it was cruel of me.”

“Don’t use my words, _clotpole_.”

“I’m apologizing and you’re **still** insufferable.”

“Mhm," The warlock leans forward with a mischievous grin, "-that's why you ran through the castle, shouting my name like a desperate maiden?”

“There was no shouting and you can’t use that against me!”

Arthur receives a hard flick to the forehead. 

“Yeah, I can... _prat_.”

“You _really_ are a child.”

“So are you.”

“I guess so-" He knocks their foreheads together, kissing the tip of his sorcerer's nose. "-Shall we be childish together then?”

Merlin giggles- _Of course he giggles because he’s the most precious thing in all of Camelot_ \- before grabbing both of the king's hands in his own and kissing each palm.

“Yes, Arthur let's do it...forever.”

As if on cue, he catches sight of the mage's left hand. The sparking silver, as clear as the night prior. 

" _Wait,_ Mer-”

“You left it on the floor, something so beautiful doesn’t belong there, you know? The druids told me how you begged them to help craft it. I heard you even tried magic. Who would’ve thought, Arthur Pendragon, the sorcerer?”

“Merlin-” He’s no longer whispering. Voice loud but shaky. “-I want you to be sure. We don’t have to-”

“I _am_ sure. I’ve always wanted this. I’ve always wanted you. I couldn’t ask for anything other than a lifetime with you. I want to marry you, Arthur, and I'm sorry that I've ever said otherwise. I want to be your husband and I don’t care anymore about what old men we'll offend. We'll figure it out, you and I. Like we always do."

Merlin shifts in his lap, reaching into his pocket before placing a gold band into his palm.

Arthur can't help the way his hands tremble as he stares down at the shining object. 

“I connected them...through magic I mean. So, no matter where we are, we can always find each other."

The blonde alternates between gaping at the jewelry and back up at his lover. 

“Do-do you like it? Actually, I didn’t ask-But...do you still want to marry me? I know we’ve gone through- _Cariad-"_ Merlins leans closer in concern,"-Why are you crying?”

“I'm not-” He lies, shoving the smaller man away from his face as tears make their way down his face.

_Merlin had turned him into a complete girl and he couldn't care less. It was perfect._

“-O _f course_ I want to marry you, are you stupid?”

“You do?”

“Yes!" Arthur growls, "- I asked you first, after all!”

“Oh, yes. That’s true.”

“If anyone asks, I proposed, alright?”

“But...I said no, so doesn't that mean that I-”

Merlin shudders at his dark glare. Raising his hands meekly in defeat. "-whatever you please, my lord.”

“ _Merlin-_ ” Arthur groans as he properly takes in the sight of his lover. 

“Hmm?” 

“Your ring is on the wrong hand.”

“No, it's not.”

“Yes _it is_ , it's supposed to be on your right hand, closest to your heart.”

“Oh...well it's done differently in Ealdor.”

“It's done the same everywhere.”

“Okay fine! Sorry, I don't have experience getting engaged a million times, like you do. Will you just put it on for me, prat?”

“For fucks sake, you're daft. Put mine on too-No- Merlin, my other right.”

They stare at each other's hands for a long moment. Watching with glee as the rings pull them together through magical energy. 

“Bloody hell Arthur, are we really going to get married?” 

"Please tell me you actually know what you just agreed to?"

The brunette looks up at him, bursting into an abrupt fit of laughter, “You're mad.”

“What the hell? Why?”

“You weren't serious about making me king, were you?"

“That's hardly something to joke about Merlin.” 

“Dear gods, have you fallen ill?”

“Shut up. The people and council love you. When you speak everyone listens, they want to serve you. Magic has become a larger part of the kingdom than we anticipated and you know every single person in town. You already make so many important decisions, it won’t be that different. I just don’t want you standing beside my throne anymore, I want you in a throne of your own, next to mine. I want to see you be the king I know you were meant to be. I... truly believe you’re meant for this.”

“Gods, you’re serious. You've even got that stupid serious face on.”

Arthur's flushes at Merlin's incredulous gaze on him. 

“I said I was, you arse.”

“Wow...I-okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Really?!”

“I guess. We’ll talk to the council together before we marry. I assume you already received their approval?”

“Yes, the laws are already written! It'll be amazing Merl-”

“Listen, clotpole." The warlock groans, pointing a threatening finger, "-I said I’d _think_ about it.”

“That’s basically an agreement!”

“No it's not, and I'm not sure King Merlin sounds all that proper."

“You’d be King Emrys obviously. Only I’ll get to call you Merlin. It’ll be treason of the highest order if anyone else does. You're _my_ husband, after all, no one else needs to know your name.”

“We aren't married yet, you can't call me your husband just yet. I swear you’re turning more into a tyrant every day.”

“Mhmm-” Arthur places a teasing kiss on the other man, smiling against his lips.“-That’s why I’ll need a king of my own to make sure I behave.”

_Gods, he's happy, so happy his face aches from the smile he was almost certain would be plastered on him for the rest of his life._

Merlin snorts, moving to properly straddle him and pull him into a deeper kiss, “I love you Arthur...so much."

“What was that?” The king hums in question, lips traveling down his lover's exposed neck. 

He had heard it loud and clear but having the brunette repeat such words did no harm... _it might also have to do with the overwhelming joy the simple phrase brought, but no one had to know that._

"I love you, idiot. I know you heard me."

"But how much?"

"Sometimes you're a real- _oh_ -" 

Arthur bites down on the most sensitive part of his neck, whispering into the smooth skin,"Nope-tell me, Merlin. Let me hear you."

"So much-" The sorcerer gasps, extending his neck to allow the blonde to continue his trek, "I love you so damn much you absolute arse."

"Good, because I'm all yours. You're stuck with me."

"You're such a bloody tease." 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He shrugs innocently, tugging the other man's shirt off to reveal the carefully drawn runes. 

“Sometimes I doubt your sanity."

Arthur blinks up unamused, as he continues sucking at the tattooed chest, tracing the symbols with gentle fingertips and savoring the soft shivers that follow. 

“Then you must be just as mad. You just agreed to marry me, Merlin."

“Maybe I've been cursed."

Arthur only rolls his eyes, no longer willing to waste time in idle chat. Leaving a trail of kisses down to the brim of his betrothed's trousers, working hastily to untie them. 

“Do you want me, here?" He lowers his lip to the pale thigh, ''Or-"

Merlin whimpers, eyes hooded as he reaches down to grip a handful of blond hair.

_And holy shit...he's horribly in love._

“Arthur, just touch me damnit."

The blonde flashes a teasing grin, taking his time to reach his goal, blowing gently and relishing in the lovely moan that follows. 

_He would be more than willing to do this for the rest of his life._ _In fact, there was nothing more he'd rather do._

“Your wish is my command, _King Emrys_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue edited on 12/16!  
> The next chapter is just the epilogue.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Epilogue** _

“ _Mer_ lin?”

The mage doesn’t budge, his frantic writing continuing as Arthur glares.

The king had entered their chamber minutes before and his husband refused to acknowledge him in the slightest, eyes glued religiously to the quill and paper before him. 

“ _Mer_ lin!”

“Not now, Arthur.”

He lets out an unattractive sputter, glare intensifying as he stalks towards the distracted man.

“A ‘hello, darling’ would be nice.”

“Hello, darling.” It’s delivered in the most monotone voice possible. 

“Well now it's not genuine, is it?”

“Arthur-” The dark-haired sorcerer finally glances in his direction.

“-I’m occupied.”

“Have you gotten ruder?”

“Busier.”

Arthur attempts to pull the chair his lover resides in, but a strong force holds it in place. 

_Magic should be banned in their bedroom...or actually...never mind._

“Seems like you’ve gotten weaker.”

“You scoundrel. Don’t cheat and play pretty. You aren’t supposed to use your magic against me, that’s not fair.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’ve missed a few training sessions, so you must be _quite frail_. There’s no shame in it, I won't judge you, _too much_.”

“I am not frail!”

Merlin raises a questioning eyebrow at his paper.

“Hmm.”

“I am not!”

The sorcerer waves his hand dismissively, “Yes, yes I believe you. Now would you please let me work?”

“No. Get up. You haven’t slept or eaten in two days. We’re going to eat dinner and go to bed.”

“I’m not hungry-”

“Get. Up.”

"I'm not tired either-"

"Now!"

The warlock drops his pen to properly look at him. Dark hair a tangled mess and lack of sleep evident in the darkness below his eyes. 

“Arthur, I have to finish this.”

“It’s been finished. I told you it was great three days ago.”

“I’m addressing the kingdom, it can’t just be great. It should be brilliant. They have to know I mean what I’m saying, that I have their best interests in mind. I want them to be confident in me as their King.”

Arthur sighs, kneeling before the seated man and grasping both hands.

“Listen to me. Your words will move them no doubt. Those who know you will support you no matter what you say. But Merlin, there will always be people who doubt you. I spent my whole life preparing to become King and I was still told I wasn’t fit for the title. What you say will win their hearts, but your actions are what will bound their loyalty to you. Don’t keep changing your speech, leave it as it first was. They want to hear from you-”

He pokes the sorcerer's chest with a smile. “They want to hear you speak from your heart. Your silly, idiotic, annoying-”

“I hate you.”

“-beautiful, big heart. Understood? So up you go! I’m famished because my husband has been refusing to eat with me like the absolute prat he is.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have waited to tell your _husband_ his coronation was this week.”

“I waited because I knew you’d act like this!”

“I didn’t know it’d be right after our wedding! I thought I’d have time to prepare!”

“You have had time! We married a month ago and you know you were supposed to be sworn in the same day. I’ve had to ask the council to postpone your crowning _3 times_! You’re being utterly ridiculous and you know it!"

Merlin buries his head into the table with a loud curse.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this to me.”

“I don’t care. You can be angry all you want but can you wait to yell after we’ve eaten?”

“Fine.” The sorcerer stands with a pointed glare, moving towards the door. 

“Um-” Arthur springs to wrap his arms around the fleeing waist.

“-Where do you think you’re going?”

“To ask Lucius to bring us food. Didn’t you say you were hungry?”

“But why can’t you just _magic_ it here?”

“Oh...well-”

“ **What** did you do Merlin?”

“-you see...I’ve been teaching some of the servants new spells and they’re doing really well!”

“ **But**?”

“ **But** ...Lucius may or may not have caused an _incident_ in the kitchen.”

“ _Me_ rlin.”

“Hecaughtitonfire. “

“The food?”

“No...the kitchen...”

“WHAT?”

“It burnt down.”

“WHEN? WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?”

“Last week but I swear I fixed it! No one was hurt...except the food...and Lucius...and me.”

“You were burnt?!”

“Oh no, of course not. The cook just sent us to the stocks and someone threw a potato...it was really quite hard. And the cabbage, that one really hurt as well.”

Arthur releases his hold on the man to spin him around and stare.

“Did you just say you were sent to the _stocks_...by the cook?”

“...Yes.”

“Merlin...”

“Sorry?”

“You’re a KING and you went to the stocks with our manservant because the cook was angry at you for something you _didn’t_ even do. Am I hearing you correctly or have I gone mad?”

“To be fair, It was my fault for letting Lucius try such a hard spell in public. AND I’m not king yet, so I couldn’t just say that.”

“You are the court sorcerer, a lord, Camelot’s protector, the strongest mage on the planet, and _my_ husband. You couldn’t have chosen one of those as an excuse? Oh, wait! You didn't even need an excuse idiot, you could have just walked away!”

“That’s rude and I didn’t want Lucius to have to go alone! It was quite nostalgic as well, so I figured I’d go one last time before you force me to wear my robes and crown every day like an annoying noble.”

“I’m not going to bother discussing this any further. Can you just conjure food please?”

“But...the cook banned magic in the kitchen.”

“Unban it!”

“She’s scary Arthur!”

"She’s a groggy old woman with a spoon!”

“And a knife!”

“I’M HUNGRY.”

“FINE. I'M GOING-”

“WHAT? WHERE- MERLIN GET BACK HERE.”

The sorcerer sprints out the door as he yells behind him. 

“I’LL BE QUICK I SWEAR.”

“YOU IDIOT.”

Laughter escapes Arthur as he watches his husband bump into a knight and apologize profusely. 

The man was too caring for his own good. Selfless, idiotic...amazing. 

_Merlin would make a great king._

* * *

  
  
And he was right.

Years later, when the two lay outside, staring at the stars from the field of their farm...they would feel complete peace. They had left behind the kingdom in it’s best state. A land full of growth, freedom...love. 

Camelot was in the hands of their son, newly crowned king and powerful mage.

“I love you, Arthur."

“As I love you, my king.” 

_They had been two great kings indeed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All done! Hope you enjoyed <3 Another 2:00 am moment, but I think it was worth it because this is for sure my favorite work. Byeeee


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